It’s been five days since Ottawa received a big dumping of snow and it continues to snow and rain and snow. The season of snow boots, snow pants, clearing off of the car and shovelling the driveway has officially arrived.

What is interesting is that I can feel resistance as I look outside at the snow. I appear to be in denial that winter has arrived. I yearn about being on a beach and travelling again (hint: not healthy).

I find myself laughing because I teach acceptance when I work with caregivers and I explain the important of accepting our reality. I teach that we should focus on those things that we control. 

I live in Ottawa. That’s my choice…..and it snows in Ottawa. I guess I’m feeling the heaviness of all that has transpired in 2020 as the year comes to an end.

I’m worried about surviving the next four months of winter while the city is in lockdown. I’m worried that the only option for Summer to be physically active will be to be outside. I’m worried that I have to rely on Zoom meetings, phone calls and text messages to stay connected when all I want is to hug people.

What is scariest it that I’ve found myself online ‘window shopping’. This was my big “Oh Sh**” moment as I realized that an old pattern was reappearing.

I haven’t felt the urge to shop for a few years. Not since I decided to put myself first and create a life where I would commit to finding pockets of happy in my. I know these feelings of worry will pass.

I am thankful for the awareness that I need to get off that path of denial and worry.

I need to remind myself that the snow is beautiful, sledding is fun and that everything is always working out.

And for the record, I do deserve one present for myself under the tree, so I’ll make sure that it’s a good one.

I’m human AND I’m worth it.  😉