I am different. There’s no going back.

As caregivers, we may know something deep down, yet it is only when we see that same sentiment or thought from someone else that we really acknowledge the feeling that we have always known, yet tried so hard to deny.

For me, the feeling was that I was a different person, no longer the Nicole that so many people had known – I had been transformed completely on the inside by becoming a caregiver.

However, there were no visual marks. No before and after photos to highlight this type of transformation.

Simply a knowing that how I saw the world had changed; how I saw myself had changed and how I saw my future had changed, yet how I looked to the outside world – family, friends and colleagues – had not changed at all.

This recent realization and subsequent acceptance of the fact that I had changed and that it would impact all of my relationships – in some cases, making me re-evaluate them – helped me bring closure to some outstanding wounds I had carried regarding the ending of/changing of past friendships.

Those were relationships where no one thing happened, no arguments or disagreements, simply a fading of connection and the slow fading of spending time together.

At the time, I was super aware that the relationships were fading and therefore, I had carried the weight of thinking that I had done something wrong.

I guess I had resisted the unconscious knowing that I was changing along with my entire life, even though I had desperately wanted everything to stay the same. I hadn’t signed up for becoming a mother of a daughter with a rare genetic disease, intellectual disability and autism.

Rookie mistake…..thinking that I had control in the matter.

With my personal growth, I have been able to bless and release all those negative feelings towards the ending of those relationships.

Have you had similar experiences? Are there past relationships that you need to bless and release? 

Please comment below and share your experiences.